Analorskerpy: A trip to the middle of my own self
Las’ week I had me a analorskerpy. I’z purty sure that ain’t the teknickle term fer ‘er, but it give a much more cleaner picher than the fancy Dan name they give ‘er. We’z all o’ us hez got over forty...
View ArticleHow to Quiet Your Bile
“Son”, said Father, as he stroked his voluminous gray mustache in a manner he hoped provoked an air of gravity, “there comes a time in a boy’s life when he must give up the toys of childhood, and take...
View ArticleJames Aluicious Tucker-Thoroughgood & Virginia Merriweather Throughgood-Tucker
She was the girl of his dreams: lovely as an 8 iron with a wee fade that lands soft as eider down on the green, nestling 6 inches from the pin; strong as a downhill drive that rides a stiff wind to the...
View ArticleMy Sister’s a Fox
Hey, look, I know she’s my sister. What do you think, I’m stupid? She’s my sister, I know that. But I mean, who are we kidding here? She’s a fox. I know, I know, of course, I know, that’s why I’m...
View ArticlePenis Surgery
People look at me like I’m out of my mind when I tell them I decided to have my penis surgically enlarged. Women especially. They always say, “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the...
View ArticlePia Zadora
Pia Zadora, dude, I’m tellin ya, this shit was, the funniest shit, like, ever. Okay, up front, I don’t know shit about Pia Zadora, you know, what kind of a hang is she, is her shit cool or sketch,...
View ArticleThe List
Jamie Ferguson just made the List. I mean seriously, how do you just knock over someone’s Coke and make some lame apology that everyone can see is bogus, and then just walk away? I mean really, what is...
View ArticleBonny, Hammerhead, & Harry the Vet
Bonny could actually feel her teeth rattle. She’d heard people use that phrase before, but until now, she’d never really experienced the phenomenon. Her uterus vibrated with the power chords of...
View ArticlePRESIDENT BUSH RESIGNS!!!
In a shocking, unexpected and unprecedented move, President Bush announced his resignation today. He told to a group of stunned White House reporters that Jesus had spoken to him, and told him that...
View ArticleWhat It’s Like to Get Hit By a Car on a Motorcycle
Weaving and gunning, he whipped it down Fell, timing it just right, so he hit the synchronized lights just as they changed, right on the edge of out-of-control. Divisidaro, Fillmore, Steiner flashed...
View ArticleKate Forest on Amputee Romance, Learning to Write, and the Superpower of Empathy
We’ve known Kate Forest for many years, and it’s been a joy to watch her come into her own as a writer. She has an unusual book out now, and we wanted to pick her brain about how she came up with this...
View ArticleJamie Mayer on Screenplay vs Book, the Garden State and the Power of Pain
Since David was a screenwriter for many years, he’s fascinated by the difference between writing for the screen and writing for between the covers. He’s also quite fascinated by pain, how we use it,...
View ArticleAnna Staniszewski on MFAs, Writing, and Not Teaching Kids Stuff in Your Kids’...
Anna Staniszewski is one of our daughter’s favorite authors. Our daughter is nine, with great taste in books, so we always pay very close attention to who she’s loving as a middle grade reader. We were...
View ArticleBarry Lyga on Freedom, Pizza, and Writing Dark Shit for Young Adults
We met Barry Lyga when we were waiting to sign books at the (thoroughly awesome) New England SCBWI conference. Turns out we are all Jersey-crowd–the Garden State representing! We had a funny chat, and...
View ArticleEddie Muller, the Czar of Noir, on the Importance of Finding Empathy in Darkness
If you live in the Bay Area, which we did for many years, and you have a penchant for the dark side that draws you toward the underbelly of noir, you know Eddie Muller. He’s a legend. Let’s face it,...
View ArticlePaula Priamos on Writing, Saying “No” to an Agent, and Being a Shyster’s...
We were lucky to receive a stack of books from Rare Bird Books, a publisher we love. We fell for Inside V by Paula Priamos, who also wrote the memoir The Shyster’s Daughter. So we thought we’d pick...
View ArticleJosh Funk on the Wonders of SCBWI, iPhone Book Trailers, [REDACTED] & Stinky...
We’ve said it before, and will say it again: if you are writing for kids, or reading for kids, or ever were a kid yourself, it behooves you to be a member of the Society for Children’s Book Writers and...
View ArticleHolly Kowitt on Cutting Good Jokes, P.G. Wodehouse, & the Principal’s...
We’ve been fans of Holly Kowitt for longer than any of us care to remember. And now, our nine-year-old is a fan. And so it goes. When we heard the title of Holly’s new book, we howled, we roared, we...
View ArticleSusan Wolfe on How to Get a Great Blurb, the Importance of Maternity Leave,...
We first met Susan Wolfe when we taught a workshop at Stanford, where we were the least educated people in the room. We were struck by what a seasoned professional she seemed, even though she was a...
View ArticleKate Forest on Dyslexia, Tourette’s and Romance, Plus: How to Write Better
The Book Doctors are always drawn to books that break new ground. We love it when someone takes an established genre and tweaks it, twists it, then turns it on its ear. Kate Forest is making a career...
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